Married Men & Single Women

As I embrace married life, I've noticed a curious phenomenon among my other married friends which has led me to pose this question.

Can a married man be friends with a single woman? And to be fair - can a married woman be friends with a single man?

As I've grown and matured over the years, my circle of friends has shifted slightly. In my early 20s, it seemed as though I knew the majority of Perth! I make no qualms about it - I clubbed hard, partied hard and socialised like crazy when I was in my 20s. As a result I networked and made friends with a lot of people. As a result, I ended up having difference 'circles' of friends. I had my high school friends in one circle. I had other close friends in another circle. I had 'clubbing' friends in separate circle and so forth.

Over the years, some people in those circles slowly drifted into other circles (Perth is small so people are bound to know each other). Also, I became closer to some people, while others remained acquaintances and eventually drifted out of my life altogether. No harsh feelings, that's just life. Now that I'm 31, I don't have as many circles. I have a handful of close friends and my acquaintances remain on Facebook. 

As I've gotten older and settled down, so have a lot of my friends. So now, most of my friends are either in long term relationships, or are married. Sorina and I tend to hang out more with couples than individually with single friends and it got me thinking. Can a married man or woman, maintain their friendship with a single person of the opposite gender?

When Sorina and I started dating, within 12 months alot of my single female acquaintances disappeared. It wasn't a conscious thing - they just drifted. The same happened with Sorina. A lot of her single male friends just disappeared and weren't around anymore. While I still have close single guy friends, I tend not to hang out with them as much. Having more in common with couples is a natural thing now.

It's always a slippery slope having friends of the opposite gender when you're in a relationship. If they are strictly friends, they will respect your partner and will stay in your life. Those who can cross the line (by flirting, inappropriate sms's etc.) tend to cause issues in your relationship as your partner can understandably become upset.

However what do you do with a friend who doesn't flirt - yet doesn't make an effort to be close to your partner? You can't force people to get along and be friends. It's not like they're disrespecting your partner either. Your partner obviously doesn't like them - well more so doesn't like you being friends with them because of this. Do you stop being friends with them? Do you force them to be friends with your partner?

I believe it's a good thing that Sorina and I have common friends. Some of my friends have become close to her so they're now 'our friends'. I still have friends who I claim as 'mine', while Sorina has friends who are definitely 'hers'. I don't believe that we NEED to only have common friends. But when 'my' female friends are single, and 'her' male friends are single - that could have an impact on our relationship - depending on how they interact with us.

I'd love some advice from any readers (if I have any) so feel free to leave your opinions below!

Leaving the Past in the Past....

You know the saying "What goes around comes around"? Well it never stops.

At what point in your life should your past cease? When in your relationship should a persons past stay their past and never be mentioned again?

I've been pretty niave, but the answer  is that your past stays in the past, once you have a new partner.

Sorina and I have been through hell and back when it comes to our ex's and our pasts. Perth, being the small city that it is, means that you're bound to run into your past at some stage. The key is how to handle it.

Ideally you're not meant to disrepect your partner. You're not meant to disrespect your friends, and you're not meant to disrespect yourself.

Unfortunately tonight, I did all 3. What started off as a good night chilling with friends, ended up a period of reminiscing about the past, which lead to ex's, which lead to me opening my big mouth and saying something I shouldn't have. What happens when you say something you shouldn't? Repercussions, thats what.

Well I've learnt my lesson well and truely. Hopefully I can make sure I stop saying stupid things and I might stay out of the dogbox!

Healthy Lifestyle Here We Come!

You may remember a few years ago I went on a complete health kick. I cut out junk food. I cut out alcohol. I went on Lite n Easy. In the process, I shed some 15 kilos. I looked good. I felt good. I had energy.

Fast-track to 2 months after being married, and the kilos have crept back on. I'm more tired now and yearn for more energy. Energy drinks and coffee just aren't cutting it anymore. It's time to get back into shape. The difference between now and then, is that this time, I have no physical set goal. I have no deadline in which to achieve anything. The reason for getting back into shape now, is that I want a healthy lifestyle. I want to feel good about my self image, I want to get my energy back, but I also want to enjoy life. I want to be able to drink alcohol. I want to be able to eat out and occasionally eat junk food. But I want to be working out and in a routine where I don't put the weight on.

My wife Sorina has similar goals, and so, now that we live together, we decided to join a gym together. Part of the difficulty of exercising, is motivation. In particular - the lack of it. By joining up together, we can motivate each other to push ourselves. An added bonus is that we get to spend some time doing something together. Couple & individual time all in one.

After doing some research and taking into account the important factors (location, price, hours of operation as well as classes on offer), we decided to visit Bailey's Fitness Centre in Southern River. The main reason we chose Bailey's, was that they offered classes, were open 7 days a week (with classes on offer all 7 days), as well as proximity to home.

So, in the months to come, I'll update with our progress, in both weight loss, toning, as well as (hopefully) our motivation to stick with it!